This dilemma happens at some points of time in your life. While you are already in love with a person, you love him or her from the bottom of your heart and you are completely happy with that person. But you have met a new person maybe at your workplace, at the gym or at some strange situation. And you feel so fascinated by this person’s behaviour, talk or character. Soon you realize that some kind of emotion is growing within you – the emotion that pulls you closer to that person. The continuous interaction with this person made you feel so badly towards your boyfriend or girlfriend. Of course you know this should not happen, but some things are beyond our control. Then you are confused, wondering "Can you love two people at the same time". Well, let’s see.

Can You Love Two People at the Same Time?

According to Ramani Durvasula, the answer is a resonant yes. She is a clinical psychologist and a professor of psychology at UCLA; also holds a Ph. D. in psychology. “We assume love comes in one flavour, but it’s really much more Baskin-Robbins than that.” Yeah, who wouldn’t go for a multi flavoured scoop in place of a single flavoured one? “We are complex and complicated beings, and it’s very possible that two different traits in two different people can both appeal to us,” says Durvasula. However, as you grow up, there is a natural tendency to fall for people who compliment different aspects of your personality or traits.

Do You Really in Love with Them or Just Have Lust with Them?

So now you may have known the answer to "Can you love two people at the same time?" but we need you to make sure it's love, not anything else after defining love first. Helen Fisher Ph.D, a biological anthropologist from Rutgers University, states that falling in love comprises of three stages: lust, attraction and attachment. Let’s see these stages in brief:

  • Lust: The hormones oestrogen and testosterones work to produce this emotion. This is basically an animal attraction. Once this emotion is induced, there is no room for cognition. The concern about the consequences of gratifying the senses will be over ridden by an intense desire to gratify.

  • Attraction: The neurotransmitters including dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin work on your brain to make it temporarily insane. The desire for each other overwhelms the mere urge to have sex. All other emotions for food, shelter, job, etc., go secondary at this stage.

  • Attachment: Attachment is the strong feeling to have a long term relationship. The key hormones that initiate these feelings are Oxytocin and vasopressin. These hormones are released during the orgasm and increase intimacy and bonding, thereby making the desire to have a long term commitment more intense.

Usually the emotion of lust is often confused with love, for it is very intense. When you are already in a relationship and fall for someone else, you would probably doubt your feelings to both of them. At that time, ask yourself which one is love and which one is lust. Well, before making any decision, it’s better to have a better judgement of your feelings.

Then What to Do If You Love Two People at the Same Time

Now, what do you need to do after knowing the answer to the question - Can you love two people at the same time? Yeah, you know you have to choose one. You can't love them at the same time and cheat on each other at the same time, right?

Well, this is the most difficult part. But this is also the chance just to know yourself better. Find out what attracts you towards the second person, what kind of personality you need to be more comfortable when with them, etc. However, your decisions may not be logical or reasonable as you might be overwhelmed by emotions of tension, apprehension or lust. To make a reasonable decision, you will have to get rid of all the emotions and stay neutral. This might sound difficult, but in any case, try to avoid your emotions while making any decision.

Or you can simply do as your heart says. The answer for the questions is already hidden deep inside your heart. If you are having very strong emotion towards the second lover and if you strongly believe that the relationship will be successful, then the right option is to walk away from the current lover. But if you think that the emotion towards the second person is just a crush or lust, just let it go. Such emotions do not last longer. Just take some time and see if the emotion vanishes gradually.


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